The Beginning……..

My pipe dream? Corsica!

‘Where’s that?’ everyone asks me.

I am not going to tell you, I’m going to show you. Follow me and share my version of what this beautiful island promises to offer……let’s see if she’s true to her promise!

Why Corsica? I struggle with short stories, but let me give it a crack. In a nutshell? Some people have a bad day…..the ones you want to wipe from your memory. 2011 for me was a bad year. After losing my ‘surrogate son’ to suicide, I was dealt another blow…..my Dad was diagnosed with cancer. The decision to pack up my life and head home to spend time was easy, it just meant a little ‘to and fro-ing’ to make the move. In December 2011 on a flight from Hedland to Perth I buried myself in the words of an in flight Voyeur magazine. Flicking mindlessly through the pages at first, I was drawn to an article that promised a glimpse of a simpler, yet more exotic life…….it promised Corsica.

https://travel.virginaustralia.com/au/search/node/Corsica

This article resonated with me so soundly, the words have echoed in my head over the years and I have vowed to visit. In an attempt to cut this long story short, I had all but given up on my dream after a sour relationship left me mentally, physically, emotionally and financially shattered. I declared bankruptcy and shelved my dream.

My kids, God bless their cotton socks, were having none of that. As well as organising a surprise 50th, they put together some funds to kick start my journey.

https://www.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10155781197324502&id=699559501

After moving back North and reassessing my life, I bit the bullet and started making plans.

Now, months later, I am sitting at Brisbane airport waiting for my flight to Cairns-the third leg of this journey.

Come with me and share this experience!!!!!!

Clock is Ticking………

As 2016 wound down I reassessed my goals. As I stated in s previous post-I had all but given up on my pipe dream of visiting Corsica.

Now, 9 months later, I’m about to give birth to that dream!!!! Only 3 more sleeps til I embark on the first leg of my journey to tick off a bucket list Dream!

Thanks to family and friends (and a surprise 50th birthday party) for kick starting my dream!!!!

Love you all, and invite you to follow me as I blog my way through my journey!!! SUPER excited and just a tad nervous xxxxx

Bridging Gaps

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Family Bridges……..

After recently moving away from my grandchildren, I have had to come to terms with the fact I can’t afford to visit them as often as I would like. Inevitably, this leaves a void ……….. 

This morning the true essence of family greeted me at my front door. My children creating the bridge that spanned the 1,300 kilometres between my grandchildren and I. If I couldn’t make it to see them, they decided, they would surprise me and make the 13+ hour trip in two cars, with 7 children, to see me!!!!!!! The importance of this selfless gesture will possibly never be understood by anyone who has not felt the emptiness of separation. I have missed my little babies immensely and this morning I felt like the richest person on Earth!!! Not only because of the chance to spend valuable time with my grandchildren, but the fulfilment of knowing you have raised amazing young people who go out of their way to reinforce the importance of love and family. My children’s love provided a bridge that covered not just the distance between us, but a bridge that spans across generations, cementing a message in the hearts of my grandchildren, “Family is the essence of life.”

I love you all 40-leven!!!!!!

Thank You!!!!!

The Moment I Felt Utterly Content

Somehow Charli….you’ve managed to do it again. I have been caught up with life and not written for a couple of weeks. I was sitting in my back yard yesterday pondering my life and the events which shaped it and made me who I am today. I specifically recalled a moment in my life where I literally sighed out loud and thought to myself, “If I died right here, right now, I died feeling completely content.”

Where my emotional and mental state is concerned, I don’t know that I’ve ever had that level of conviction again.

While thinking this I was flicking through emails catching up on ones I’d missed. The first one I opened was your Flash Fiction Prompt for June 1st. My apologies for entering this late post, but the topic was relevant and below is my submission……..

What is content? How do you know you’ve achieved it? For me…….

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When That Oil Well Erupts…

April 27, 2017 prompt: In 99 words (no more, no less) write a story that includes oil. It can be an oil refinery, the raw product or used as a commodity. How does oil fit into a plot or a genre? Go where the prompt leads.

Her naked body trembled, yet it wasn’t cold. Her heart raced, yet she lay motionless. Darkness engulfed her and her breathing became rapid; urgent gulps at the air surrounding her. She felt the hairs on her body rise and she strained to listen; for the black silence, was deafening. Her back arched in anticipation, as she waited…..

and waited……..

She didn’t ‘hear’ him enter, rather, felt him. His presence, captivating, rendered her breathless.

She heard the familiar ‘click’ of the oil being opened and she knew what to expect.

Then, she felt it.

So familiar, yet so tantalisingly foreign…….

 

Written for: https://carrotranch.com/2017/04/28/april-27-flash-fiction-challenge-2/

Ang-zi-etty

Anxiety ……You tell yourself you’re ok. You nervously talk about your angst and outwardly face your demons……are you ok? How much talking do you think until you erase those ‘things’? Those little things that are no longer a threat, yet, are? Can they be counselled away? And if they are, how long before they’re replaced?
That seed in your gut that seems to grow roots deeper than you could imagine and spreads vine-like through your veins…..

The tiny voice in your head that contradicts the words flowing across your tongue and spilling into the ears of anyone prepared to listen….

That wild brumby in your chest thrashing around determined not to be tamed……

The tiny beads of moisture seeping from beneath your flesh threatening to pool on your skin….

Your breath…shallow and fast….I am breathing? Right? Anxiety….

If you allow it……it will strip your confidence and bring you trembling to your knees……. Christian Grey style-50 Shades of Shattered Nerves!

Find the strength to heal!!!

One of my spiritual journeys….Bali, 2016

 

Shelly Towns-Energetic Freedom “Live, Laugh & Love“! Highly recommend this lady! She’s amazing!!!

Bloom…a photo challenge

Mine is not so much a blooming story……just a deep appreciation of nature and all it’s glory, and an opportunity to share. This particular shot was taken in Kings Park, Western Australia, using an iPhone6.

Who is the face behind 40-leven Reasons?

I have a busy head. My life reflects my headspace….busy, unorganised, cluttered, spontaneous, fun and very deep. It is the Bermuda Triangle of my existence. I don’t know if it’s my way of trying to grow up or whether I actually want to share some of the shit from inside my head? Some of it is bloody hilarious!!!  I often laugh out loud at my own internal conversations. I get me. I think I’m funny. I know I have a good heart. Still…….. there seems to be a hole. Maybe blogging is my way of getting it all out of my head to clear it a little? I don’t know. I do know I feel I am going to love this journey ……..once I know what I’m doing!

Which leads me to “BloggingU” ….. by all accounts it seems to be a tool for virgin Bloggers! Mother Theresa I am not…..Virgin Blogger I am! 😇

Welcome to assignment Number 1!

There are no guarantees what you will find when you visit. I envisage my blog reflecting my head-a Kinder Surprise of sorts….a lucky dip. I never know what my next thought pattern will be, likewise, who knows what you’ll find next time you visit 40levenreasons. Geographically/physically/spiritually, I am both an enigma and an open book…..to learn more about me…..follow my journey 💋💋

Love you 40-leven

Deb

X

Doubt….from the apron strings of a mother 💋

This is not only a late entry….but an unfinished one. I hope you’ll forgive me 🙏 I like to think of it as a work in progress….. I don’t know when I’ll finish it because it hasn’t occurred to me what it needs….

These doubts are on the minds of millions of Mothers…..unanswered queries xx

G’Day Casino

G’Day casino

G’Day Casino……Well for those who know me….my Mum and I have had those words spill over our tongue many a time! We have a love hate relationship with the casino….we love to go and we hate to leave!!!! For the purpose of this blog, however, those words leave a bitter taste in my mouth. Please let me start by being completely up front from the get go….this is not to point blame or ridicule….it is merely my recollection of an unfortunate incident…..a rant, if you will.

So…. the beginning…. Actually, for those who know me and are thinking, “oh f*#k, here we go again”, I will give a relatively short intro to myself (yes Leisa-I’m doing it!).

We all have our path through life. Some, lucky buggers, seem to have a paving truck just up ahead of them and travel a privileged journey. Others, like myself, fell off that track along the way and stumbled through some rough terrain hoping to come out the other end and find that paved road once again. It is the climb back up to that road that led me back to Hedland and to this story…….(grab yourself a cuppa-the short part of my story is over-the rest is bound to drag on!)

Due to limited funds, and , if truth be told, a desire to squeeze back into a size 12, I have cut back on drinking and excessive socialising. I, therefore, recently found myself relaxing out the back after doing some gardening and flicking through my phone…..don’t say it!!!!! I am well aware my phone seems to feel more like an extension of my hands lately. Anyway, while scrolling I remember having a little flutter on an online casino a couple of years ago. I deposited $50 and it lasted almost 12 months. I had loads of fun and was able to escape the day to day monotony and grind of my life. I could imagine I was sitting up at the casino alongside Mum and just ‘being’. Forgetting the harassing phone calls and the familiar sounds of my debt collector friends. Appreciating that I wasn’t out in the heat and the flies working ridiculous hours away from family….just for that moment anyway. Just ‘being’. So, when I remembered this the other day I found myself googling online casino sites. I knew before I started scrolling I was going to deposit $50-it was just a matter of which casino. I knew, also, that I couldn’t afford it. It was an extravagance I could ill afford but I had already justified it in my head. I read through the draw cards of a few before going back to the first site that had caught my eye….. G’day Casino. Finally my heading is making sense right? G’day Casino….sounded just like it was calling me, so I joined. They were offering a 100% deposit match welcome bonus!!! Deposit $50 & start playing with $100 right? Sounded too good to be true!!!!!!! On the 24th Feb I joined and started playing. Yep, sure enough they doubled my $50 deposit! I have since had reason to scan over my transaction history…..it spans over more than 750 pages!!!! It’s fair to say I had some fun along the way. Incredibly the balance dropped to below $2 on many occasions and I remember thinking ‘this is it’ quite often, only to have little wins keeping me alive. I lay in bed one night thinking, “I have less than $25….May as well flutter that into the abyss and get back to the real world for a bit. My balance was at $26.21 and my little iPhone started singing!!!!!! It went crazy!!!!! The numbers on my balance kept going up, up, up!!! Man, I was smiling so hard I almost burst!!! I couldn’t believe it!!! Luck like that just doesn’t ever seem to knock on my door and here it was bashing that bloody door down!!! When the figure finally stopped escalating, my new and much shinier balance read $1,306.21 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was thanking every God there ever was!!!!!! Now…….since I have previously admitted to having a slight addiction to a quiet flutter, I naturally carried on pressing those little ‘spin’ buttons!!! I was having a ball!!! Over the next few days I watched my balance see-saw up and down. I lay in bed thinking one night about how many people helped me out when I was at rock bottom. Through the years there have just been so many!!! Recently my two girls lent me money to make the move to Hedland to start fresh……as much fun as I was having, I knew the right thing to do was to withdraw the money and repay them. I felt as though the Universe had given me this gift to help me get back on my feet. I would be lying to you and kidding myself if I didn’t admit I kept a little in the account for a flutter and, if I’m honest, I knew once I had paid off my debt and was on my feet….a little ‘spending’ money at Gday Casino might actually become a part of my regular budget. I withdrew $1,000 and left myself $170 to play with. I rang my daughters and told them I would be paying them both back everything I owed them over the next week or so. I told them about my little windfall and they were ecstatic for me! My life really was taking a turn for the better! The universe was smiling down on me and giving me a helping hand. There was a lightness in my step and I felt like a weight had been lifted. My new hero was Gday Casino! Who would’ve thought??? So…………… knowing I had bumped my balance up to just over $200, last night I settled in for a quiet flutter before bed. The balance dipped and soared and I was once again engulfed in my little bubble of escapism. I stopped only to engage in small talk with Nathan, my son, and to make a cuppa. After settling back in with my cuppa I noticed my balance was at $50? I logged out and back in again…still $50? While pondering the possible reasons for this, an email alert popped up on my phone from Gday Casino. Ah ha…..clearly some technical hiccup they are telling me about…… I opened the email to find this………
I felt the wind being knocked out of my sails and I was dumbfounded. So many questions flooded through my head!!!! Is this a mistake? Why would they let me play so long and say nothing? How is it even possible to receive a bonus if you’re not entitled to it? Why give it to me? Is this a bad joke? Surely if I’m not entitled to the bonus you don’t give it to me? And at what point during the 750+ pages of transactions of money going to and fro did the money become theirs and not mine? At what point can you say that I stopped playing with the bonus money? Take the bonus back. My head was reeling!!!! I called my girls and said sorry….back to plan A…. I will slowly pay you back as I can. While texting backwards and forwards another email came through from Gday Casino…… maybe it was a mistake after all. Nope!!!!! After pulling the carpet from beneath my feet, these pricks send me an email offering me a fricking bonus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m not sure who they employ at Gday Casino but their sense of humour is pretty f*#ked up!!!

Their IT department needs an overhaul-find someone who can program your site to REJECT bonuses which are not going to be honoured!!!!!! Their public relations department is non existent …..who the hell tells someone -sorry for the inconvenience of giving you false hopes by allowing you a bonus you aren’t entitled to, but oh, after we take that one off you we can fix you up with another!!!! WTF??? Eat a dick! Phew…..rant over!!!! For those of you I didn’t lose along the way, those stayers that read my whole tirade….thanks for allowing me to vent! Will I stop having a flutter? Has this taught me not to indulge in online slots? Nope…I loved it, but I can say this……Seeya Gday Casino. I will stick with Bingo Cabin. I have had so much more luck with them. At least if I have an honest win….I receive an honest payout! #gdaycasinoreview #bingocabinhereicome

Parlay ….

To you all……

read the fine print.

Luv you 40-leven

Deb X